Starting Over, Turning over a new Leaf.

Ok, so here we go. Starting once again. I took a break from Blogging since March, and now I'm ready to start. This is a brand new direction I'm going to be heading, so I hope you join me for the ride.

For the upcoming months I'm going to be writing about a few different topics, Family & Marriage, Celebrities, Health and Fitness and some topics of inspiration.

I'm going to do new articles on Tuesdays and Thursdays, like the website www.bethesmartwife.com which I have recently discovered and started to follow.

I am really grateful for the new connections I have made recently thanks to my new addiction to Twitter and I believe this will be a much better Blog thanks to that.

Well thank you very much for joining me into this new path for self discovery and exploration to live the best life we can ever have.

About Death...and other things.

I have not written in a while... because I said that I was going to give this Blog a purpose other than healing myself from my fear of writing and expressing my feelings. Well, I do have a purpose of this blog, however I realized that I am still afraid of writing because in the past few days I had to deal with the loss of my step dad and I've been sad and angry and many feelings came out that I was so terribly afraid to put in writing. I tend to swallow my feelings and make them get dissolved into my body and then I tend to loose contact with them. Is like they disappear. The story with my step dad is very long and I'm not sure I want to re-tell it all here, but at the time of his death I started to feel bad that I never got to send him the father's day card that I bought him. That I wasn't there at his funeral, that I didn't send him the latest pictures of my kids or a letter or anything in the mail. But I was glad to know that back in April I was able to spend 2 days with him and the kids and hang out for several hours. I was glad that he got a chance to come from PR into NY and spend a few days with me and my family and that he was able to attend the graduation of the College where he worked in for over 25 years and that he was able to see all his friends and live the happiness of that. I was glad that I was able to wish him a Happy Father's Day even if it was just over the phone and I was glad to hear his happy voice telling me how happy he was that he got to see us in June and that the pictures I gave him where beautiful and that he loved spending time with us.
I am sad that his family and mine are in such a feud that I feel that getting close now will cause more problems than not. And I feel angry to know that his will was not accepted by his family and that he was not cremated as he desired, and that his organs where not donated, and all that.
There's a part of me that wants to get his will and follow it through and fight for what he wanted, but I also have to think that I live very far away, that I have 2 wonderful daughters that need me, that I have to keep my job in order to provide them the best that I can and with this economy I can't afford to risk loosing my job by flying to PR and fighting this off, and causing a feud with his family. I don't know.
I wish I still had my dad with me. But I know that he was a church going man and I'm sure he is in heaven now having a better life. Papa! I love you soooo much! We miss you! You'll always live in out hearts and your legacy will live on!

PS: I called his lawyer and told him that he was not going to be cremated as he requested on his will and then he went and got his family to cremate him. At least some of his wishes got respected.

About Work...

Today is one of those days, that I don't feel like working. I think it's because I don't like to be reprimanded, like I was today. What happened was that my neighbor who practically lives in my house was graduating today, she had mentioned her graduation several months ago, however, she told me the date and gave me a ticket last night! So I didn't know about her graduation date and time until late last night. I really care about this child and I had promised so I sent an e-mail to my boss and told him that I was going to a graduation in the morning and was going to be in the office by noon. (I usually come in at 10:30 so I though that it wouldn't be such a big deal) However my boss was not amused, he was upset, specially since last week I had a doctors appt and came in at 1pm, and the week before I had to take my daughter to the doctor and came in at 12pm. He said that he finds it really disappointing that work seems to come second for me. Well the truth is that Family and Health do come first for me and always will. But I didn't say that to his face... This got me thinking that since moving to this town, I have had 6 jobs in 10 years. This one I have now it's the one I've been at since 2005. And you want to know something? The last 5 jobs I lost them because I made my family a priority, and I wouldn't change anything about it.

I think about quitting all the time, that's the truth. My boss is an amazing boss, the truth is that he is the best boss I've had in my life, however that doesn't mean that I love my job...
My job is simply put, a means to an end, and that end is money. Does it bring me satisfaction? NO. Does it bring me joy? NO. So why do I stay? First of all, I get paid good enough, my job is pretty simple to do, my boss is very nice, I can dress in jeans and sneakers everyday if I want to. I'm alone all day in a computer (although I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing). It's simple, comfortable, and I get paid for it. That's it. I don't feel like going on a job search especially now when the unemployment rate is skyrocketing, and risking getting a job with a mean boss, or having to dress up in suits all day, or having to do overtime, or be at work by 8am! (I'm waking up at that time many days!) So it's comfortable, and I'm here...

What would I be doing otherwise? I would say something creative, something that would help children, and other people. I bought this book on how to find and develop your child's abilities. I would like to finish reading that book and create a workshop to give to parent's at my daughter's school. I would like to help my daughter do something creative that would help the environment or that with her creativity we could do something to raise funds for some charities. I would also do workshops about Highly Sensitive Children to teachers to help them to deal with children like my daughter. I don't know, I feel that my calling is helping people and helping my daughters achieve greatness in their unique way by helping them blossom into mature, healthy, happy, caring people, but all these things I'm talking about don't necessarily pay the bills like my job does, so I guess I'll stay here until I come up with something better...