First Step. Do a Happiness Project

I just finished reading the book The Happiness Project and it recommends making resolutions instead of goals. The difference between a goal and a resolution is that a goal, once you do it its done. But a resolution is something you can stick to for the rest of your life, or for how ever amount of time you'd like.
So this is my first resolution: post on my blog every Tuesday & Thursday, and write every Monday & Wednesday that way I have time to edit.

As part of my new Leaf on this Blog, I want to start it off by doing my own version of the Happiness Project as a means to discover more aspects of myself and to enjoy life more.
I will start planning for it now and start the project in January 1st, 2011 until December 31st, 2011.

What do I want to accomplish with my Happiness project?
I want to be able to not get so upset when a stranger shows no patience toward me, when they are rude and nasty on the street. Currently when this happens I feel the urge to curse back, although I never do anymore, and this holding back of emotions causes my chest to tighten and pressure builds up and I get pissed. Like today, I was writing on this diary & I reached the last stop on the train. I was not paying attention so I stayed on my seat. The lady train conductor screamed: "Last stop! Hellooooooo?!" Pa' que fue eso! It got me SO pissed! In the past there have been times when I've fallen asleep in the train and in that stop a conductor would yell: "Last stop!" and this would wake me up, I would get off the train and that would be the end of it. But the hello at the end made me feel like the woman was saying to me: What are you an idiot? Don't you see that the train stopped? Didn't you hear me say Last stop before from the other train car? I guess what I want to work at is at not hearing the unsaid insults of other people. Because every time I get angry it is because I hear these insults even though no one is saying them. So in essence it is me who's insulting me.

My second resolution is: Do not take things personally. Do not say to myself insults that other people have not said.

This is a good start. My original idea for this blog was it to be a journey of self discovery, something that would help me to discover my True Identity and help others find theirs through my experience. But identities are harder to come by than say a year long happiness project. I believe this is a good start to my much longer True Identity project. So the first step to my true identity project will be to do a happiness project. Now i have to do some more research and start working on my happiness project. Hope you join me for the ride.

What would your life be like?

I have been thinking that I wish my life could be somewhat different than it is right now. I feel like I'm in a transitional period, and that at some point I will be able to do something better in life, be more productive...

Do you ever feel that way? I want my life to be more meaningful. I want to be there more for my daughters and help more people than my boss. I want to be able to inspire, to give back to the community, to make this world a better place by doing little things or big things...

But I feel like if I'm just waiting...and waiting... I don't see progress and it freaks me out. I would be OK if I felt my life was going on a direction, like when you want to go from NYC to California, on a Road Trip. You get a map, you plan the route, you get your supplies, and you start. Sure there must be stops on the road, to eat, enjoy the scenery, sleep and bathroom breaks...you might even get lost or make a wrong turn at some point, but with your map you will be able to re-route yourself, and the ending is always the same. It is necessary for one to visualize their destination. It is necessary to know where you are going.

I feel like I'm going on a road trip, I have no map, and I have no destination. Somebody just told me to take my car and drive it doesn't matter where, just drive. Sure, I see some nice things along the way, and there are a few stops I would like to make, but I have no map, I have never traveled before so I have no knowledge of the geography of the place I'm traveling through. And it is not a small area either. I feel like I've been driving for 1/3 of my life and I have yet to find a map...It's so frustrating...

I wish I could do different things, I wish I didn't feel like I had to stay on a job just because I needed the money, I wish I didn't have to feel like I'm trapped, at the mercy of others, with no control over what I do or where I go. But life makes us be scared, because if I made a conscious choice to quit my job and go find a screen printing place where I could learn how to screen print, and then after a while I could go and be a tattooist apprentice and once I learned how to tattoo I could maybe learn how to make ice cream, or maybe I could bake cookies for a while, later I could work as a editor of a book publishing company, maybe I could make some children's books, or I should learn how to be a better writer or a better artist, a better dancer, a better cook. Maybe I could volunteer, learn how to swim, be a school counselor, or the assistant to a therapist, or some other thing I haven't thought of yet. I want to be able to be free to be allowed to change and at the same time have some sort of stability for my daughters.

Does this make sense??

I need a map!!!! Do you know where I can buy one????